I have a fake front tooth.
A fake front tooth that makes me crazy.
Especially since I should not have it.
Come take a walk with me down memory lane.
I am twenty one.
I have the most amazing dental coverage under my parents' insurance.
I am at the dentist.
A very busy and popular dentist.
He mentions to me that one one of my front teeth is a fraction longer than the other one.
He asks if I would like them to be the same.
I did not rock braces at junior prom to have janky teeth!
So I scheduled an appointment to get it fixed.
Pretend that you are a dentist.
A busy and popular dentist.
What would you do to fix my teeth?
Because if I was a dentist this is what I would do:
shave the longer tooth down a millimeter so it matches the shorter tooth.
Apparently I did not go to dental school.
Wondering if Mr. Popular and Busy did.
Because this is what he did:
Shaved my shorter tooth into a vampire point.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Why didn't I say anything?
He assured me that this was the way to go.
He is a busy and popular dentist.
I am some dumb English major college student.
Then he capped it.
To make it longer.
Like the other tooth.
I am not kidding.
So I went from a perfectly good, yet marginally shorter tooth to a fake tooth.
On top of a vampire tooth.
We all know how I feel about vampires.
Then the cap chipped.
I got it fixed.
It chipped again.
(Did I mention that I am a gnarly teeth grinder? IF by some miracle I am actually sleeping, chances are gnashing of teeth is involved.)
So finally after 3 new caps in two years,
on what was a great tooth,
I got a veneer.
IN THE WRONG COLOR.
Then my insurance ran out.
In real life it doesn't look so bad.
For some reason it just looks crazy in pictures.
Pictures that I always pull into Picnik.
There I fake up my fake tooth with their amazing whitening tool.
I heart you Picnik.
I do not heart you busy and popular dentist.