These are the faces of a happy church planting family headed up to Forest Home for a week of family camp. The car is packed with everything we need for hikes, and play, and bible studies, and memories.  What you can't see is how weighed down the car is with pain, struggle, regret, expectations, and hopelessness.

 The week came at a time when it was everything we didn't know we needed.
As humans, as Americans, as Southern Californians, and especially as Christians, we bought into the lie that we couldn't easily share our struggles, be transparent with our desperation, that we couldn't admit how much we needed help.

 I was deeply depressed.  The feeling was not new to me.  It has been a frequent visitor in my life, it's grip was familiar, and I kept trying to keep it at bay.  We had been so stretched thin with a season of loss when our pastor left the church we had called home for over dozen years, with confusion as everything we knew there changed, with fear as God called us to the unknown waters of church planting.  Jason and I found ourselves at war with each other, when from the outside everything looked so beautiful and magical.  We fought through nap times, through the midnight hours, across from each other on a therapist's couch.

 The drought that has crippled California had nothing on the drought that was crippling our marriage, the desolation that was bleeding over into every aspect our lives.  Our parenting, our friendships, our relationship with God.

We arrived at camp hoping to receive some distraction from the pain, some fresh air in the staleness.  Some life in the desert. 

 For our kids to make new memories, new friends, have new experiences.  I truly didn't expect anything more.  The pain became a blanket that I had wrapped around my shivering shoulders, afraid to take off.

 Between meals, campfire chats, worship, hikes, bible studies, and chocolate chip shakes, God found a way to bring a glimmer of hope into our darkness.

The uninterrupted time of just being together, no access to the never ending list of needs at home, at church, the lack of distractions, let us be present and focused on this beautiful family that was right around us. 

 Between hikes, fireside chats, paddleboarding and face painting, there were desperate prayers, raw conversations, and healing.

Life is messy.  Life is painful.  Yet in that there is redemption.  There are sunsets.  There are sunrises.  There is healing.  There are Ninja Turtles.  There are promises that God is strong, and good, and there is nothing too broken for Him to fix.

 There are morning hikes.  Friends praying for you.  A creation so beautiful that it could only have been made by a brilliant creator.

 There are smiles.  There are tears.  There is coffee.  There are pancakes.

 There are CCA's who love your kids, bring backpacks full of games, make them laugh, and put them to bed.  All while you are having life changing deep, painful, raw conversations under a star filled sky.

There are camp counselors who shine the love of Jesus in such a way that your kids want to be just like them when they grow up. 

 There are cozy cabins, and a week of delicious meals prepped for you.  Even meals to please your picky and dramatic child who hates pretty much everything that isn't pizza, cereal, or croutons.

 There is a light filled chapel that I visited when I was a camper in high school.  God met me then.  He met me there again.  Alone, I cried out to Him.  For strength.  For hope.  For healing.  For Him to write the story of our marriage.  The story of our family.  To be the God of the impossible.  To make beauty out of the ashes.

I know He isn't done writing our story.  I did know that our story would be dramatically different after that week at family camp.   

Now when anyone asks why I love Forest Home so much, why I believe so deeply in family camp, it is because God used that week to save us from the self imposed wreckage of our life.  That there truly is something special that happens when you leave everything behind, make room for Him, and cry out for Him to change you.

In high school, and even in our years in youth ministry, we would buy into the myth of the "camp high", or "mountaintop experience".  That coming down the mountain your old life would come back, and what God did on the mountain wouldn't last.
I choose to no longer believe that.  God does not only work on the mountaintop.  His power is not affected by elevation.  His change is real.  We drove down that mountain different.  We are different on this day, one year later.  We have been changed forever.  We serve a God of miracles and we will never forget the miracles he performed during week 9 in 2015.

Today we are heading back up the mountain with just these two.  The big girls are on a train with their cousins and Nana bound for Oregon to make their own wonderful memories.  We leave expecting fun, growth, adventure, and the lasting promise that the work God has started has not yet been completed, and that He is the master craftsman that continues to build us into who He knows we can be.

For more information about Forest Home family camp click here.  Feel free to ask me any questions, and be prepared for my eyes to tear up a bit.  For a girl who doesn't cry in public, this is a big deal and proves how deep my feelings go when talking about the place that has changed my life more than once. 

Something else that makes me cry?  Watching the video from our week at camp.  So much goodness in each frame.

Summer Family Camp 2015 // August 9-14 from Forest Home on Vimeo.


  1. I love this so much. Praising God for you. I need to check out the camp for my family. Just wish I knew of it sooner before school starts! Enjoy your second trip, praying it's even better than the first!

  2. So beautiful. So raw. I loved this post. You have been strengthening me and inspiring me for so many years now. I am so grateful for your willingness to share and bless. Thank you.

  3. Nothing like church planting to reveal so much raw emotion and struggle. We planted a church almost 5 years ago. We committed to 40 days of prayer before we jumped in with 2 feet and those 40 days the enemy was at work. My husband was falling apart and was ready to leave me. It was the craziest time and yet looking back it changed us and helped us fight through the darkness to reach all the goodness God had planned. Thank you for sharing such an authentic post. I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I try not to blame every thing that goes wrong on the devil but I believe he is always trying to ruin our marriages especially those who are on a path to start a church and obey God's call. So glad you guys made it through. I hope you never feel the need to put on the "everything's going great" face again. ❤️

  4. "God does not only work on the mountaintop. His power is not affected by elevation." -- Phew. Thats some deep truth right there, lady. You are a beautiful ,transperant, real woman of God and I love you.