tomorrow is joy's birthday.
each year during this time i feel like i am under a raincloud.
i am not myself.
i get irritated.
i am impatient.
i am anxious.
i am edgy.
everything just seems more difficult.
even seven years later i see and feel my grief manifest itself in so many ways.
i am so thankful for our three girls,
but cannot help but wonder what our life would be with four.
janey looks like joy.
i am so thankful for that gift.
through her i will get to see what my firstborn would grow up to be.
tomorrow we will celebrate her.
in an unexpected way.
an abundantly blessed way.
a way that only God could have orchestrated for us.
for that my heart is happy.
but i really miss her.
while it is raining outside.
under my own little raincloud.
joy's little sisters will wear these tomorrow as new memories are captured.
then we will let seven pink balloons fly to heaven.
and eat cupcakes.
and wonder what birthdays are like with Jesus.