Honestly,

I am having a hard day.  

I have a really bad cold and I am much less tolerant than usual.

But that's not why.

I look at my two little girls and try to remember what it felt like during my years of mourning and sadness, how all that I wanted in the whole world was to be a mom.

Much of me has forgotten that feeling.

Now that I am a mom.

But sometimes it is hard.  I really love them, but it is really hard.

At bible study this morning I was prepared to ask for prayer for patience and for God to do some major work on my heart and on the heart of one of my kids.

But then a sweet woman who just moved to our town and is new to our church asked for prayer for her upcoming in vitro sessions.

My selfish heart broke into pieces.

I have been where she is right now.  The fear, the frustration, the longing, the hopelessness.  The last thing she needs to hear about is my small issues with my two darling daughters, as I sit there with an obviously pregnant belly.

So I cried for her.  Her pain.  Her waiting.  The roller coaster she is on.  Her prayers that have yet to be answered.

I went home, loved on my kids, grateful that I can be their mom.  Even on days like this.


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14 Comments

  1. Kristen HowertonSeptember 23, 2008 at 6:02 PM

    Um, I needed that reminder today, too. Thanks for sharing it.

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  2. EliseSeptember 23, 2008 at 7:54 PM

    Thanks...I certainly need to post this on my wall.
    Elise

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  3. BethanySeptember 23, 2008 at 7:55 PM

    What a sweet picture of Lucy! I realize she is crying and upset, but I personally like "real" images like that! (That is why you see so many of Huntler being as serious as can be!!)

    Sorry to hear you are having a rough day. Sometimes we ALL take for granted what we have and it takes something SO emotional like you experienced today to remind us of our many blessings!!

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  4. StellaSeptember 23, 2008 at 8:00 PM

    Isn't it amazing how God answers our prayers. Even the unspoken ones. The ones deep in our hearts. He knows them! Thanks for the reminder to have gratitude in our hearts.

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  5. You can call me Lucky.September 23, 2008 at 8:22 PM

    This is what makes you an amazing person.
    Thank you.

    I saw an old co-worker yesterday...cute and pregnant and although I had so much happiness and excitement for her...my heart breaks a little for myself and everyone like me.

    I stay sooooo positive for everyone around me and I am so happy about our adoption journey we will take next year, but it's still hard.

    I know in my heart God has a bigger plan for me than I can imagine for myself and that is what helps me throught this part of my life.
    I keep the faith...

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  6. ChellieSeptember 23, 2008 at 8:42 PM

    I read your blog a lot... and I just had to say... I LOVED that.

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  7. Ashley GreggSeptember 23, 2008 at 9:05 PM

    Julie! I just put it all together! A few weeks ago Sarah S. was telling me about this gal from church who had an awesome blog about art etc. Then I realized after we met and after I finally checked out your blog for the first time today that you are the same person!

    What's so amazing is that right before I checked it out I was telling my husband about this girl I met who had an amazing story. I told him about how much your story encouraged me and put my ups and downs in perspective.

    I'm so glad we met and had such an impact on one another's day! I'm encouraged to continue to share my story and I hope you are too because you really touched my heart today.

    Thanks a bunch!

    Ashley

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  8. alexandraSeptember 23, 2008 at 9:22 PM

    I think we all feel that way Julie. Especially when whe are pregnant and having to care for little ones who aren't very understanding. I know I feel what you described more days than not, but after I have some calmness and quiet time at night, God always finds a way to renew my spirit so I can start all over the next day. I can tell from your blog that you are a great mom to your girls! They are lucky to have you!

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  9. Cottage At Dove CanyonSeptember 23, 2008 at 11:54 PM

    Julie, you are such a great person. Sorry you are having a rough patch!

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  10. michelleSeptember 24, 2008 at 6:58 AM

    I had those days too. You can only hope and pray that she will be the next with a new mommy announcement.

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  11. ReminisceHeirloomsSeptember 24, 2008 at 8:47 AM

    Beautifully said. :)

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  12. Laurel @ Ducks in a RowSeptember 24, 2008 at 8:49 AM

    This will help me have a better mommy day - thanks.

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  13. Bonus MomSeptember 24, 2008 at 11:06 AM

    Julie, now I now we are so separated at birth! I was crying just this morning about how hard it has been the past few days at my house, then I looked down at Adler and cried harder! I am soooo blessed. I had to pause and thank God for all he has done in my life. I too did IVF. We were married for 7 years before getting our miracle, Gina. I have suffered loss and been blessed with another miracle in Adler. My neighbor is currently going down the path of IVF and I am reminded again of the blessings I have been given. God is Good :)

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  14. KelleySeptember 25, 2008 at 10:13 PM

    God has a great way of gifting us with perspective just when we need it. I needed your story/experience tonight!

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