The fifth installment of the 40 miles adventures...

So October was a long time ago.  I know.  I know.  That is how I roll right now. But less rolling and more barely keeping up with anything at all.  Some people are amazing at time management.  I am not one of those people.

However... I am sort of a new kind of person that I never thought I could be again...
I am (very loosely put) a runner.  Or slow jogger.  Semantics.
October was the month when I finally was brave enough to open the Couch to 5k app that has been on my phone for months and months.  October was the month when I changed from "I'll run until that tree way down the path, okay, I actually meant this closer tree instead..." to running when the dude in my headphones told me to run.  Until he tells me to stop.

Best part?  I haven't died yet.

Does it help that I run right below my Junior High?  Where I broke a six minute mile?  No.  It does not.  I was a crazy fast thirteen year old.  I am now a crazy slow way more than thirteen year old.  The only thing thirteen about me now is the pace I am happy running a mile.

Thankfully, early in the morning, nobody fast runs on the trail.  Actually, hardly anyone is on the trail.  Just some leisure walkers and their dogs.  Who like to say hi.  I however do not like to say hi.  I do not want to move my head, smile, or waste a single bit of oxygen being friendly.  I am using every single ounce of it trying not to drop dead.  Nor do I want to move for the beagle lady who ALWAYS walks on the wrong side of the sidewalk.  Always.  This is not England.  It is America.  The beagle lady gets no hello from me.  Having to swerve around her takes precious energy that I need for that whole not dying thing.  Other side lady. OTHER SIDE.

So that is me.  The angry, unfriendly, almost dying, staring straight forward, just get this stupid thing over with, listening to not-safe-for-children music way too loud in my ear buds, why do people like it, I feel like they are total liars, because I will never ever ever like it, runner.

Recently a friend told me that power walking burns the same if not more calories than running.
Ewwwwwww.
Maybe it does.  Lets be honest though.... running is way more BA.
Take that power walkers.

In case you are like me and are curious how this whole deal goes down, here is typical morning in this reluctant runner-ish girl...

Alarm.  5:46.  Because 5:45 seems way more awful for this night owl.
Outfit ready on the floor next to my bed.
Coffee.  Luna honey pretzel bar.  I stab people if I don't have coffee immediately, I barf if I don't eat immediately.
Water.  I used to carry it, but that is annoying.  Then I would bring it, but stash it in the bushes.  One too many episodes of Law & Order has made me convinced that a bad guy could drug it while I wasn't watching.  Now I embrace temporary dehydration.
Advil.
Shoes.
Start the Mapmyrun app.
Out the door.
Before daylight savings it was dark when I left.  Spooky and murdery dark.  Now that the sun is peeking out, the fearing for my life has diminished.
Fast walk for a mile listening to a sermon or this album.  I have to balance out the parental advisory playlist that is coming up.
Start C25K.  Hate every single second of it.  HATE.
Finish, cool down and walk back home, listening to Mumford.
While I am gone, Jason gets the girls up, dressed and fed.  I swoop in just in time to do all of their hair.  Then he takes them to school.  I love him.  Mornings are rough.  He makes them way less rough.
Repeat three times a week.
The other two days I have the little two in the stroller, and try to meet a friend for a normal, human being hour of the day, enjoyable, less wanting to die, walk.

Will I ever enter a real race? NO.  NEVER.  Pay money to be tortured, and deal with my crowd anxiety issues?  Nothankyouverymuch.  "Oh, but The Color Run looks so fun and raninbow-y."  NO. Yes rainbow-y.  NOT FUN.  Will I ever like this nonsense?  No.  Never.  I am okay with that.  I do feel better.  I feel a bit less old and creaky than I did when I started.  Advil is my friend.  It will always be my friend.  Will it ever be fun to wake up before the sun?  No.  Would I love to stay cozy under my covers for another hour?  Hello. That is a dumb question.

Each time the alarm goes off, this very simple phrase haunts me, and makes me get out of bed.

(So true. Unless you get murdered.
Or trip on a beagle.)

Next week I will tell you how one run with my husband made me want to quit forever.  Plus if I made it to the 50 mile goal for November.  Yep.  Dramatic.




33 Comments

  1. I have been running a long time.... have run many half marathons and even a full marathon (stupidest idea of all time, btw). And you know what? I still HATE the first ten minutes of every run. It is a mental hump I will never get over.

    Then I hit the runner's high and I am good after that. But those first ten minutes are always torture!

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  2. This is terrific. Keep going - leap the beagle! Hey - new morning motivation speech.

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  3. I don't know if I could love you more. :) Everything you say and do just makes me smile. And you've almost inspired me to walk. I'm THIS close to buying some pretty tennis shoes to force myself over the edge and onto the street. Or track. Or whatever it's called where you walk. :)

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  4. Oh my. I just about spit oatmeal all over my computer you had me laughing so hard.

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  5. You are hilarious! I love reading your posts. Here's to more awful runs and feeling better afterwards!

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  6. Unless you get murdered...heh heh heh! That's exactly how I think!

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  7. congrats on the whole not dying thing.
    i girl scout promise you that whenever i'm out with mylie she is directly on my left. and we are on the far right of the path. american road style.
    we are courteous like that.


    the beagle is ruining it for the rest of us.
    and the brits.

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  8. Oh Julie I am laughing my head off right now! You are SO RIGHT about all of it - running is torture! Anyone who pretends it is fun is either a masochist or deluded or both. The only thing worse than running is getting out of bed so early (it is definitely a "Julie" thing to set the alarm like that, my alarm this morning was set for 7.16, because that extra minute makes all the difference!) Anyhoo, I just wanted to comment to say that I am v. impressed and more than a little in awe of your ability to both run and wake up. I will think of you when I am not running and sleeping in and sitting in the office on my (rounder) bum!

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  9. I feel your pain - and feel exactly the same way about the whole running thing - good for you for your dedication - I am not there yet - it stays dark for a really, really long time here in Alaska right now...plus it's kinda cold... :)

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  10. So well said!

    Speed walking might burn the same amount of calories, but running burns hips.

    I'm a curvy girl who lost 50 lbs by slow running/jogging/walking for a few years. I have had an achilles injury in both legs for 29 weeks. I just resumed running twice a week a few weeks ago. I haven't gained any weight in all this drama and pain but my hips and thighs have spread like crazy. Running/jogging just plain works that area. So, as long as the Lord allows, I'm going to press on in the running/jogging world.

    I can't say I love it but I do feel so much better afterwards. And when the 70+ year old man is on the treadmill beside me at the gym, I have a lot of motivation to continue. I want to be like him!

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  11. You are awesome. I dig it. But I hate to say Iam a power walker. I want to be a BA but I just can't get into running. Blech. So I powerwalk. In my living room to my Leslie Sansone video series. 5 miles a day and then 1/2 hour of dancing with Wii Michael Jackson game. Did you know Thriller is 7 mintues long, do that a few times in a row and its a good little burst of cardio. And you can feel like a BA at home when you beat your high score.
    Keep up the good work :)

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  12. I was smiling the whole time I read this because it's exactly what I'm going through...minus the coffee. ;)
    But seriously. I'm so impressed. You and I sound like we're on about the same track. Do you ever find that some days are harder than others? I'm finding that the first 10 minutes is brutal for me...and then the last 5 minutes. So, almost the whole thing. I just want to be able to run 8 miles, no problem. Do you think we'll ever get there? :)

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  13. Proud of you! I am a run hater too, I was in so much pain trying to run an be awesome like you. The pain wouldnt quit, so I went to the doc and OH just have some hairline fractures in my shins NBD. I hate running. I am however proud of you!

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  14. i love your blog!!! you crack me up!

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  15. I totally know what you mean! I finished the Couch to 5K after I had Madelyn and HATED every second of it. And it never got easy for me. I barely survived every time. So proud of you for sticking with it!

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  16. 10 minute mile, 20 minute mile, 30 minute mile - It's still a mile!
    You should feel so proud.
    I have tried the Couch to 5K and never finish because I hate it and I'm awful at it. It's lame that I let myself quit. I need to just do it. I know I would feel so much better if I did.
    I don't know about your husband related story, but I can tell you one of the times I attempt C25K (yeah, it's been a few times that I have been lame) my hubby decided to go for support. This was back before he quit smoking. He smoked a pack of cigarettes a day (gross, I know). So we go and I am huffing and puffing, and hurting, and struggling and he is running the whole thing like it's no big deal. I still feel bad about it, but after a week I stopped going with him. It was so frustrating to see him just run while I struggled. (It feels even more "jerky" as I type it out)

    Maybe I'll give it another try.

    Way to go Julie!

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  17. I'm dying to know what is on the parental advisory playlist!

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  18. this is the most hilarious post ever! sounds exactly like me... "run to that tree... i meant this way closer tree!" i don't look at anyone either... keep that focus. add in some beagle hurdles and you'll be a real track star!

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  19. wow, i am just so glad you didn't die.
    you are my hero!!

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  20. You are WAY freaking BA! I "tried" running a year or so ago. I always have dreams that I'm running and it's so FUN! (#therapy?) In real life? I hate it. I'm awful. I want to die. I tell Cory I don't have any leg muscles, and I'm sticking to it. I wasn't cut out. (Or WAS I?????) You maybe inspired me to try it again. May. Be.

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  21. Love this . . . Boomer is a mad runner, loving every stinking minute of it so therefore we have lots of runners at the house which I'm sure judge me for hiding pringles in the pantry. Someday I will feel so much condemnation from them that I will actually use my running shoes for something more than chasing kids around the playground. At least that's how it plays out in my head. We will see.

    And Julie "Mrs. Carson" you are always BA :)

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  23. Way to go Wogger (walk/jogger) or you could be a Slogger (slow jogger)! Totally Rocking the run- Great Job and congratulations!
    I also really hate running, and I mentally complain the whole time, but when I'm done, don't think I'm puffing out my chest like a champ!
    3 Fist pumps for you!!!

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  24. I totally get this! The same thoughts are in my head...however, after almost 3 years (I'm almost 50 and had NEVER run before - hated it, too!), I can finally say I have moments of "liking it". The best thing I did that helped me to stick with it was to get a good sports bra!! Just saying, made a world of difference!! Enjoy yourself! So proud of you!

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    1. Julie T is right as well. While nursing my second and still running a sprung for the $40 sports bra. I will never go back.

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  25. Totally been there...and tomorrow, I'll finish my first week of training for my third half marathon. I've been running about 3.5 years now and I still cringe when someone refers to me as a "runner." That can't be me. :)

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  26. Did you ever think you might become someones 'learn to run' inspiration?
    You.are.mine.
    GO YOU.

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    1. PS your boyfriend Dave doesn't get jealous that you dont run with him?

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  27. I noticed you like King's Kaleidoscope, I love them too! I go to Mars Hill church and they recently came out with a christmas EP... so imagine that... King's Kaleidoscope CHRISTMAS :) It's called "joy has dawned," give it a listen ;)

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  28. I hate running. I've always hated running. I don't want to run unless I'm in a hurry or the building is on fire. However, I had a brief stint of jogging, and not-so-awful sums it up at best. I quit about five years ago, and you're exactly right about regret, because I regret NOT going. This post makes me want to try again. Thank you for sharing!

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  29. I am a runner, but I hate to run, so I get it. I am going to buy some of your printables for Christmas gifts and I was wondering if you would consider doing one with the run or race theme from Scripture in it. I have a group of ladies I run with (that is the key to getting past the hate- find some other crazies who will meet you at 5am to avoid pushing double strollers) and I would like to give them a race picture we all took and I thought a fabulous printable would just make it GRAND. Of course I could go with Be Strong and Courageous because it takes both strength and courage to run, especially at 5am!

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  30. This post made me smile so many times. Especially hiding the water in the bush were it not for it get poisoned. I got a sermon for you to listen to on your next murder jog. One of my favorites by Chris Brown, the non-rapper. So good. I listen to his podcasts when I am jogging all the time. One of my favorite communicators. Go get it. And then thank me by sending me EBB. http://www.northcoastchurch.com/sermons/sermon_archive/2011_sermons/30_ad_the_jesus_story_cond/got_faith/

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  31. Hi - Came across your blog from "Under the Sycamore." FUNNY stuff! I loved this -- "I'll run until that tree way down the path, okay, I actually meant this closer tree instead..." I usually cheat based on driveways :)

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