Friday, November 19, 2010

Nice try buddy.

This is my life.
This is happiness.

What else can I do but laugh when this little life of mine is just plain crazy?  Laugh and then blog about it, of course.

Come with me on a little journey to the local mall.

Scene:  I had been painting and cleaning all day.  Two of the girls have been sick and grumpy and needed to get out of the house, get over of their bad moods.  An impromptu trip to the mall food court/ playplace was in order.
Off we went.
Dinner commenced without incident.  Mongolian BBQ for the grown ups.  McDonald's for the littles.
Fun fact: I have convinced my kids that I am allergic to McDonald's. They believe me.  When we are out together they never even ask for it.  Brilliant.  Scheming and lying?  Yes, but brilliant, none the less.  They only get to eat it when there is another edible option for me, i.e. the food court.  Or, when their much too nice grandparents cave in and take them.

But back to the story, I found out that not only was there a brand new H&M, but it was an H&M WITH KIDS STUFF, YO!!!!!!!
That is happy news in these here parts, especially considering that I haven't been to the mall in so long that I didn't even know one was coming, much less already open.  I don't know who was more excited, me to go to H&M, or the girls to go to the playplace.

Jason hung back to get a cookie from Paradise Bakery.  You see, I am halfway through a self imposed 40 day sugar fast.  Considering the fact that I haven't murdered anyone yet, it is going very well.  But to sit alongside someone eating a delightful cookie, would for sure send me over the edge.

The big girls were walking and I was pushing (not-so) Bald Baby in the stroller, towards the elevator and off to the happy lands of a new store and indoor slides.

Suddenly, a guy blocked our path.
He looked at the three girls and I and exclaimed:  "Three girls!!!!!!!  Poor you!!!!!!"
(Which by the way, MAKES ME CRAZY.  That is a whole rant in itself.)

It took me a second to figure out that he was the guy working at the curling iron/ flat iron kiosk and was hunting for some prey excited to share his wonderful products.

Why is it always some skeevy dude that works there?  I'm fairly certain that he doesn't use a curling iron, nor do I trust a guy that uses a flat iron.

He looked me up and down.
In my sugar free, messy bun, no makeup, paint under my fingernails, glory.
With three impatient kids in tow.

Skeevy Dude:  You don't always look like this do you?  (Lots of big hand motions pointing out my various issues.)
Me:  (Silent.  Staring.)
Skeevy Dude:  Like, maybe sometimes do you something with your hair?  Maybe style it?  Do you have a flat iron?
Me:  Yes. (Gritting teeth.)
Skeevy Dude:  Come over here.  My flat iron is so much superior to yours.  It will make it easy for you to actually care how you look.
Me:  No.  (Peer over his shoulder.  See the elevator nearby open.  Fetch my children.  Scurry away.)
End Scene.

That my friends, is a surefire way to not sell anything to anyone.

Although, I totally need a new flat iron, and I heard that those are amazing....  But for now I will never know.

53 comments:

  1. I'm just appalled! The nerve of the skeevy man! To be honest though, I can't sell anything either. I tried to sell girlscout cookies when I was a kid and my mother practiced with me what I was supposed to say to each person. However, when I would knock at the door I would always say, "You don't want any cookies, do you?" But at least I wasn't skeevy.

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  2. NO WAY!!! There's an H&M with kids stuff?!! :)
    I'm totally with you on the poor mama with 3 girls thing. I get so tired of people lamenting for my husband too. Don't worry about him....he's beyond blessed :D

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  3. Just to let you know...I live in Missouri and we have the same skeevy guys at the flat iron kiosk in our mall. Not sure I understand their sales strategy. Do they have skeevy guy sales conventions? Tricia

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  4. We have the skeevy dudes here, but most of them are selling kids toys! So, it's nearly impossible to steer clear of them whilst minding MY own bid-ness. I give them the "Mom Eye" and they tend to leave us alone. Hey -- it works on The Boy!

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  5. Yuck! Every Single Time I go to the mall I get hit by these guys at he hair kiosk! It's getting to the point where I avoid going certain ways just to avoid them. I probably wouldn't have been as nice as you were.

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  6. we have a guy like that in our mall....sketch-y.

    i have 3 boys and it is so irritating when strangers come up to me and say "ohmygosh! 3 boys! you've got your hands full, i don't know how you do it, i would go crazy, blah blah blah blah blah." annoying. I usually just smile, but i usually feel like throwing whatever is in my grocery cart at them. ;)

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  7. oh my- i would have hit him!!!! you showed some restraint! and you are beautiful, btw!

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  8. I have had a flat iron man yell after me and my three kids too! Are they trained to target us?

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  9. At our mall we not only have that flat iron dude, but the lotion people who tell you how bad your nails look. The massage people who tell you how tired you look. And the cell phone dude who yells at you a block away about what kind of service you have. Ugh, annoying!

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  10. bahahaha. get OUT. i would have bought it and smacked him over the head. another reason to move to norcal. our malls are skeevy kiosk free. but we have janky produce.

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  11. Oh. My. Wow. That's stuck somewhere between jaw dropping and funny!

    I have 4 kids - 2 boys, 2 girls. And I always get, "Oh, how perfect!" As if any other combination wouldn't be. People are dumb.

    And I fell prey to the kiosk. It wasn't a skeevy sales guy though. Sales women. Young, hip women. They lured in my then-5-year-old daughter (she's 7 now). She has always had amazingly long, blonde, beautiful hair. She sat amazingly still for 10 whole minutes while they curled it with their equally amazing curling iron that comes with a glove. It was Christmas. I caved. I bought both.

    *sigh*

    Kudos to you for not giving in. :D

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  12. Was that H&M open when I was there? The one I went to did not have kid stuff... I was sad. I love buying Kenzie clothes way more than buying me clothes.

    Skeevy men selling stuff at those carts drive me crazy. bonkers.
    And the nerve of the skeevy man. bleck.


    Heart the pictures.
    Heart the 'bald' baby (she is getting hair)
    Heart you.

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  13. As a Mary Kay seller, I always the women that they're already beautiful. We're just emphasizing that beauty :)

    Re: flat iron - my Sally's frequently has two for one sales on flat irons/blow dryers/curling irons. I finally broke down and bought a grown up hair dryer and iron. And of course since then, I've grown my hair out so I don't need to style it any more...

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  14. those guys are totally annoying...dont mall execs know how much we hate that?? They are so agressive and rude...but that guy you met is a total douche bag....for reals

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  15. WoW... How incredibly RUDE of him... and kudos to you for not unleashing the sugar free wrath...

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  16. I know someone who got their ring stolen...ehem...misplaced by one of the "let me put lotion on your dry hands" people... Skeevy... Nice adjective!

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  17. I know someone who got their ring stolen...ehem...misplaced by one of the "let me put lotion on your dry hands" people... Skeevy... Nice adjective!

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  18. i'd like to know what business model that follows. insult woman to win business? bully woman into buying things? ummm, no! i'm afraid i would have told him to go back to the rock that he climbed out from under. good for you for restraining and just walking away.

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  19. OMG, I'm so sorry! I'm always afraid that when I'm at the mall, no makeup and in sweats that someone will say something, but my hubs always says I'm being dramatic! HA, now I'll prove him wrong.
    I was trying to grow my hair out, but I might just keep it short to make those guys leave me alone. They are always super creepy to me. If I walk by I pretend I'm in convo with my kids or husband and cannot look away, or I give them an evil eye.

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  20. are you kidding me?!

    sorry for rudeness from others.

    you're beautiful!

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  21. UGH!!! I can't stand those stinking kiosks..Yay for you on the sugar fast..I think I made it about 2dys and my husband told me to eat some sugar..lol (guess I was extra sweet??)
    And I know all about the 3 kids comments..Except mine is "oh, no girls?, Not gonna try again?, Wow your house must be noisy..." So irritating..like my life isn't complete without a daughter.

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  22. OH MY GOODNESS, did he REALLY say those things??!! OUT LOUD?! Horrible. Just horrible. Obviously he has no clue about life in general and if I had overheard that, I would have had some choice words for him. Or sneakily burned him with one of his hot irons. UGH.

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  23. GROSS!!! I hate, hate, hate the skeevy kiosk people. I have yet to meet a single nice, non-skeevy one. Sorry friend, I think you're supermodel gorgeous.

    And fyi - the guy at the crocs kiosk told Leila if I was a nice mom I'd buy her crocs. No effing way now, buddy.

    Hang in there!

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  24. what a jerk. i hate those people at the kiosks. i can't deal with them. half the time it act like i am talking on my cell phone even when i am not or i snap at them. i don't like to do that because they are only trying to make a living but i am only trying to shop in peace. ugh!
    :)gina

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  25. wow! i think i've seen that skeevy man...

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  26. Those mall kiosk guys are just a hop skip & a jump away from carnies. BLECH.

    You're gorg & the fact that you can commit to a 40 day no sugar diet elevates you to superhero status. Bravo!

    ~Keri

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  27. Are you serous? The nerve of some people. I would have given him the one two punch to the face. In the nicest way possible of course. :)

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  28. Ok seriously, who starts off selling a product by insulting someone?

    And I get the comment about only girls myself all the time, "Oh are you going to try for a boy?" "Oh, no boys huh" Not kidding, I have even gotten "Well I gave my husband a boy" (Did I mention the big prod smile she had on her fac?). Apparently the world has not discovered the secret of happiness in life: Being content with the blessings I have rather than pining for something the world tells me I should have. Or I should want. Or if only I had...

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  29. By your desciption of the mall, I believe we frequent the same SoCal mall. In fact, I was just there and had mongolian bbq (Great Khans if I'm correct), while my little ones ate MacDonalds. What is with those flat iron guys!!?? The are relentless! Seriously. Can't you see I have kids and I am extremely unlikely to sit with you for a hair lesson. Eeeew. Your post totally cracked me up. Maybe if they have female super models working there with perfectly smooth, frizz-free hair, I would consider stopping my stroller for a quick lesson. Ha ha! Classic. Maybe we'll see you at the mall sometime. I'll be the one yelling at my son in the play area not to lay on his back at the bottom of the slide. Silly boy!

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  30. We went to the mall just today and it wasn't the flat iron dude hassle us it was the hand/nail cuticle dude. DUDE. Enough already.

    Love the pictures of you and your little one.

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  31. it's times like that, that I wish I could carry a real light saber.

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  32. Oh my. That is appalling. Actually, I was appalled at the "poor you!" comment, much less the REST! Hideous. What is not hideous though is the info that there is kids stuff at H&M. Sweet news. Thx.

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  33. I have two boys and it drives me crazy when people say things like, are you going to have another one, then you could get a girl. Ok I'm not sure how they think babies work but (a) you don't get a lot of choice in the matter and (b) There is nothing wrong with all boys or all girls!!!!!!!! It's like the boys were a mistake but maybe I can get it right if I try just one more time. Ugh. People can be so dumb. And I can't stand the skeevy people that accost you at the mall kiosks

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  34. eww. what a jerk. i love it when people don't have a filter. or common sense.

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  35. How horrible.
    I'm glad you don't get dressed up to go to the mall.
    And I think you're beautiful too:)

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  36. OMG! that guys is SO SUPER ANNOYING! just tonight he was all over my program too!! i feel bad because i am just so over his whole deal, that i come right at him with a b$%&@y attitude right off the bat! every time....ok i go there alot. alone. at night. lets meet up next time. and gang up on that guy??

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  37. OH NO HE DIDN'T!!! Srsly what a you know what!!! Not sure what I would of done but like me I'm sure you thought of a million things to say after you got over the shock. Jerk!! Sorry girl!!

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  38. I was walking through Macy's and the girl at the Benefit counter said, "Come here...let's make you pretty." Thanks.

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  39. Umm yeah gross, let's just add sleezy mall dudes to the clown list...barf. In other news I too have been on a self imposed fast...wait for it...of soda. *gasp* you heard me right, Day 20 baby. That sleeze ball but be glad he didn't live in Texas, just saying.

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  40. men wielding flat irons is just not right. I, too, have been approached by said skeevers... seriously, I would like to know who falls for their creeper-fest ways.

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  41. my girlfriend and I were just saying the other day how hard those slimy sales people have made it to go to the mall anymore. It's as if they are live telemarketers in your face!!! I hate it! I once had a woman who as I was walking by tried the subliminal approach, as my daughter and I walked by she was talking about her face cream and as I got closer she said "covers fine lines and wrinkles, and will make you look years younger". Really? I mean come on how offensive! I was only 39 at the time, were the wrinkles really that obvious? Lol!

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  42. Ugh! That's just icky! And, I know EXACTLY what you mean about the "three girls? poor you!" thing. When I was pregnant with my third girl I cannot tell you how many random strangers would go, "Oh, I hope it's a boy this time!" Really? Cause, I kinda was just hoping for a naked baby. Not really worried about their parts, just hoping a happy, healthy, naked baby pops out. My SIL has 5 girls, so you can imagine the comments she gets!

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  43. It's ALWAYS weird guys at our mall too...what UP with that??

    Ummm...anyway, I'm one of three girls and it was/is an amazing life and for that comment and all the other junk he was spewing I say...

    You are FANTABULOUS and he...isn't.

    Why can't the mall just let us live our lives?

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  44. You know, I sorta experienced the same incident. I was at the mall, shopping by myself (which rarely happens anymore). I walked by a skeevy man in the middle of the mall - he yells - Hey, I could make you look better! I thought "what the #@!%" Grant it I didn't look my best either but
    really - I thought - this is the line you use to pick up girls to try and get them to buy your flat iron. I got my hair trimmed this week and told my hairsylist.
    He laughed - knowing that I bought my flatiron from him.

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  45. I have never understood why they bother to stop a mother with young children. Hello do you really think a 2 year old is going to quietly sit there while her mothers hair gets done. Mine wouldn't.

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  46. Those people are so rude. They really need to change their sales tactics. BTW you are beautiful enough to pull of the "I'm a mom and don't have time to or the desire to do my hair" look!

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  47. Good for you to not bite into that guy! I always ignore and ignore some more those kiosk people. The NERVE of that guy!
    ps - I just found out our mall (or one of our malls) just got an H&M - yay!!!! :-)

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  48. I would have glared too. And then walked away. What on earth was he thinking????? Seriously? And I get the same comment about 3...except 3 boys. Each time I get so frustrated. Then the next comment "Don't you want a girl?" People are weird. And rude. Laughed and laughed about your McDonald's thing. Wish I had thought of that. I do not like McDonalds at all. My kids love it. Loved those cute pictures at the beginning of the post.

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  49. wow, i am shocked. i cant believe this man was so rude. and these kiosks through out the mall is what keeps me from ever going to the mall. i never step into one. ever.

    www.diaryofmamadrama.com

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  50. Awww man those people bug! I totally give them the look of death if they even try to get near me and I am a faaassst walker so I usually don't even give them a chance to approach me. I am always looking less than cute at the mall too, who gets decked out for the mall anymore besides the teenagers!! MMMM Mongolian BBQ sounds yummy! I love the girls clothes at H&M they are so cute, I bet your daughters were loving it!

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  51. hil.ar.i.ous.
    I need to go on a sugar fast.
    I went a whole month without it this summer and lost 10 pounds. I felt great. Why did I go back to sugar?? Tomorrow, I will start again.
    maybe
    xox
    cheryl

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