Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Dreams Crushed.

Dear Hershey,
What did I ever do to you?  Why must you treat me with such disrespect and hatred.  First you go and take away my most favorite candy in the world.  Without so much as a warning, leaving me with it's evil stepsister Good & Plenty.  (I would rather eat black widow spiders.)  I wrote you, I called you, I emailed you, I signed petitions.  After years of giving up all hope to see it again, even the chance stumbling upon an old, expired, dusty box in a super shady 7-11, you tease me with this neon box of the same name.  My heart nearly stopped when I walked down the wrong row and accidently spied the boxes today at the drugstore.  Could it be?  Do I really need new glasses that bad?  I think I know how to read... the box said Good & Fruity and the candies were the same shape, although that "natural" looking blue one is a bit questionable.  I was even sad that I can't send picture texts because I wanted to surprise my husband with the good news during his staff meeting.  I couldn't run fast enough to the check stand to buy my newfound dream come true.  I hid the treasure in my purse and waited until the girls were sleeping to enter candy paradise.  The anticipation, the glee, the joy, like a soap opera character raising from the dead, my beloved licorice and candy shell was back in my life.  Just when I most needed it.  But no, this story does not have a happy ending.  I am renaming your fraudulent candy this:
They are nothing more than super chemically altered Starburst Jelly beans.  Sour, acidic, pointless.  None of the previous magic, none of the flavor.  Goodbye licorice, goodbye shell.  Goodbye Good & Fruity forever.  I want my $1.29 back.  I want my old candy back.  Away with this sad, pathetic imitation.  Away with my dreams of being reunited with my youthful love.  I am going to a corner to wail and mourn.  How could you do this to me?  I was so faithful.  I never gave up faith that I would see it again.  Shame on you Hershey, shame on you.
On to brighter subjects... Do you feel let down like I do today?  Do you need a treat that won't take advantage of your devotion?  Do you love candy colors without the chemical aftertaste?  You need to take yourself over to Graham Cracker Crumbs.  Sweet Bethany is giving away all of this yummy (non fraudulent) ribbon to one of her readers.  Think of a fun ribbony craft and leave it in the comments section.  But watch out.  I will be fighting for it!  I need a treat that won't leave me devastated.

3 comments:

  1. Oh dear, I am really so sad for you! Why do people have to go and mess everything up. I think you should definitely send this to Mr. Hershey asap! Hope tomorrow is brighter:)

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  2. OK - that was hillarious. They keep doing that to me with the flavored kisses. I swear, every month there is a new kind of kiss out and I get totally addicted to it and they take it away. I've learned. My drawers are PACKED with lemon & creme kisses and St. Patrick's Day peppermint kisses. Oh ya, and the candy cane ones from Christmas. I say we boycott them. (Now that I've got plenty stashed.)

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  3. LOL! TOo funny! If only they knew....hee hee!

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I love sunshine, happy people, and the power to delete. Sparkles! Rainbows! Unicorns!