How did this happen?
This boy.  This giant boy that we have taken to calling The Beast.
This boy that has turned everything that we thought we knew about parenting upside down and inside out.
Intense. Determined.  Hungry.  Serious.  Passionate.  Happiest when he is outside.  Or in my arms.  Arms which are tired because he is GIANT.
Our latest walker (still waiting on that milestone.)  The only pacifier aficionado.  Did I mention he is giant?
He has already had more haircuts than his sisters combined.  In fact he needs one again stat.

Best friends with Lucy.  No one in the world can get him to laugh or smile like she can.  She calls him her twin.  Their relationship is really special.  When she is with him, she is so caring, patient, and still.  He brings out the best in her. She brings out the best in him.

Each day we are trying to figure out this boy thing.  Or maybe this Shane thing.
Each night when I try to hold him quietly in the rocking chair, when nothing in him wants to be held, still, or quiet, I pray that God will equip me be the mother he needs me to be.  Then I pray that God will use his passion and determination for His purposes.

Most days I simply don't know what I am doing.  However, everything in me loves this wild boy, and day by day, little by little, I keep learning,  I keep loving, I keep failing, I keep trying.  I continue to lay down what I cannot do, and know that in my surrender, God comes in to fill in my shortcomings.

Happy year and a half smallest biggest one.
I'm glad you were born.


  1. Oh, this is too sweet. And my, he is a bigggg boy! But so so adorable!

  2. I'm a stalker. I admit it. I love every square inch of your blog. I can't tell you how many times I've said Amen or Right on! or Aw, man, her too? I've never felt compelled to comment until this post. THIS is SOOOO my Winston. He, too has 3 older sisters and is 2 months younger that your Beast. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. you said is dead on. Including the fact that Winston's youngest sister (my Jane, who is four...almost 5) is his best friend. None of us have the relationship that she does with him. He is good for her and she is good for him. PRAISE THE LORD! What makes it that much more special is that she REFUSED to acknowledge is presence for the first 6 months of his life. REFUSED to look at him, talk to him, play with him or even be held in the same arms as him. Then it was like she decided "oh. He's not leaving. He needs my help with the whole growing up thing. Game on."

    I echo your prayers with tears in my heart.

  3. You are not alone in your struggles!! BIG HUGS! My oldest (a boy) was everything you described as a baby/toddler. Oh he never slept, needed to be in my arms at all times and was also enormous! He's 5 now and while things have definitely gotten easier, he's now sleeping all night (that didn't happen until the age of 3, yawn!), and just the fact that he's older helps, but he's still that same intense, passionate, strong-willed, dramatic, loud, hungry, wild boy I rocked for hours on end as an infant while praying to God for Him to give me strength. Oh and did He ever give me strength, He is so faithful. The well-known scripture in Matthew- Come to me ALL who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. And He will, He does what it says he will do. Oh how He loves us. :)

  4. A strong will channelled for God is dynamite later. I love him. And you are the best mom I've ever seen.

  5. You are able to write/speak what so many want to say out loud. I always say how much I love your honesty, your realness. I appreciate that, just like I know many others do too.

    He is an adorable big super cute boy! Love the relationship you described between him and Lucy. Precious. Brought tears to my eyes.

  6. Fastest year and a half ever. Shane (and your girlies) are so lucky to have you for their mama!

  7. This is so comforting to me. I had a little girl before I had a boy that sounds a lot like Shane and it made me question many things about parenting and my ability to do this job I thought was going to be easier or more natural. Thank you for always being transparent about the hardships of raising little boys.

  8. Hi friend,
    I first found your blog after my miscarriage at 3 months and I felt so sad and alone.
    Your blog helped me mourn my loss and helped me heal and helped me know I was not alone.
    Thank you for that.
    Then I met you at Blog Sugar, the one in Rachel's back yard, but I didn't even know it was you until I got home.
    I was the girl with the library card business cards.
    I like following your blog because we are just opposites.
    I have 3 boys and 1 girl.
    My girl is #3, and having 3 brothers, she is pretty tough stuff.
    But still, she is a girl.
    And she is quieter, and calmer, and likes to play school and dress her dolls and she never drops on the floor to wrestle unless tackled by a brother.
    But boys are loud.
    Boys are busy.
    My boys wrestle without ceasing.
    I have developed a high tolerance for loud and wild, but seriously, sometimes I just can't believe it.
    And I think boy # 4 is the craziest of all.
    He's 19 months and reminds me a lot of your guy.
    I have never had another child who makes me as tired as he does.
    Last week I took my 3 bigger kids on a long hike and left the baby at home.
    When I got home, my husband said, "I could not get a single thing done with him around."
    Ya think?
    And I couldn't believe that spending my day with 3 kids was easier than a day with 1.
    He's a piece of work.
    But I love him desperately.
    Have fun with your boy.
    They are something special.
    Love from,

  9. can. NOT. believe. it.

    and i have a feeling ezra will be a game changer too!!

  10. there is something pretty amazing about your own boy....bigger than you....hugging you goodnight. or hugging you hello or crying when they have too much emotion....when THEY ARE BIGGER THAN YOU! that day will come for you and it's like nothing i knew before. :)

  11. I rarely kno what I am doing most days either. He sure is a cutie!

  12. I think that boys are just completely different animals. Strong willed children tend to be the most successful. I am sure you have a doctor, lawyer or professional ball player on your hands :). Keep up the good work mama, you so got this!

  13. Boys are amazingly different than girls. I took my kids to a friend's house yesterday. She only has girls, and wow, was she overwhelmed with my boys within minutes! :)
    Both of my boys were late walkers as well, especially my Beast. (see, same nickname even) My pediatrician told me it was probably because he was so big, especially his head. That's a lot of extra weight to haul around, and he was just not interested in exerting his strength to try to walk. But it happened eventually.
    Loved reading this - it so completely showed your close mommy/son relationship and made me go hug my boys. thank you!

  14. Our boys are almost the same age (Sawyer was 18 mos on Jan. 7)! My boy is also big, or I feel like he is, and he walks (climbs, runs) but has only recently had his first haircut. His sister loves him so much. I hope that continues as they get older cuz I know my brother and I basically beat the crap out of each other all the time. Baby boys are sweet! Much more so than my daughter was so I am enjoying it! Enjoy your sweet boy, too!

  15. look at that blond hair! he IS A CUTIE!

    isn't something how God uses our husbands and children to refine and shape us?! so exhausting. so necessary. in the end, so good.

    i imagine your arms are BUFFED from lugging around your "giant."

    happy 1.5 yrs!

  16. Boys are soooo different than girls, but you already know that. And I only know girls from watching my friends with girls...I'm a through and through boy mom. It does get easier, I feel like around 2 years old they get more independent and less clingy. Best of luck. There's nothing like the way a boy loves his momma! Ans remember you are doing your best and its always good enough!