Yes.
The eyes.
The eyelashes for miles.
Of which I am super jealous.

But, lets just have a little laugh on my behalf, okay?
Because it's fun.
Because it's involving the Walmarts.

Of course it is.
You see, I am not a frequent patron of the Walmarts, mainly because I drive past three Targets just to get to one.  Also, because it's the Walmarts.

But on one rare such day, I needed to buy purple (yes purple, that's an entirely different story) stretchy sequin trim.  Speaking of which, I go CRAZZZZZY when people say sequence instead of sequin.  As in "I just got the cutest sequenced dress."

NO.  You did not get a sequenced dress.  That does not exist in the universe.

Here's a free grammar lesson kids:  

A sequin is a sparkly little decorative coin, usually used on some sort of garment.
A sequence is an ordered list of objects or events.
You cannot wear an ordered list of objects or events.
You can wear sequins to a fancy event.  Or to the Walmarts.

SEQUIN!!!!!!

Back to me and my purple sequin trim adventure at the Walmarts.  (Which is almost a perfect set up for a joke:  So this girl walked into the Walmarts to buy some purple sequin trim...)

I only had baby dreamy eyes with me, and he was chattering as he is know to do, while I was searching for the perfect SEQUIN trim, when suddenly I was mobbed by a friendly blue vest wearing employee.

First the comments on his feet (Yes.  Baby feet.  All babies have them.  Mhmmm.  They are cute.  Yes edible even....)

Which moved on to his eyes.  It always moves on to his eyes.  (Yes.  I know.  HUGE eyes.  Yes.  They are blue.  No, my eyes are green.  Yes, ladykiller.  Blah blah blah....)

Then as per the norm, the conversation moves on to his eyelashes.  The ridiculously long, curled and flared eyelashes.  (Yes, the boys always get the best eyelashes.  I know.  I can't believe how long they are.  He's nine months old, yep, I know.  Nine months and I just cannot believe that he already has lashes like that....) 

To which she pushes her glasses up on her nose, gets all up in my grill, and FULL ON CHECKS ME OUT.  Like a lot.  Staring at my eyes.  FOR WAY TOO LONG.

My eyes that have actual makeup on them.  With multiple coats of my fave Falsies mascara.  My eyes that I was all proud of actually doing, and being on time for my morning meeting.  My eyes that I thought looked less tired and more cute than the norm...  Those eyes.

She shakes her head.  Lets out a big HUMPHHHHH.  Tops it off with:

"Well he certainly didn't get them from you.  I can't even see your lashes."

Then as if she just drops the microphone, she walks away.

Oh, the Walmarts.  You are always good for a laugh.  A laugh, sequins, and a new tube of mascara.



28 Comments

  1. I *totally* say sequins.
    There is, after all, more than one sequin doohicky to make up a SEQUINS dress.
    Which I wear everyday.
    The norm.

    ReplyDelete
  2. this sequence of events is kind of ridiculous.
    i kinda feel like you needed to drop kick blue vest.

    ReplyDelete
  3. We don't have Walmarts here in New Zealand (I think The Warehouse and Pak 'n' Save are our equivalents!) but I love going onto www.peopleofwalmart.com and having a giggle every so often - not very nice of me, I know. But seriously, who goes out dressed like THAT! You think you've seen it all, and then when you go look at people of walmart, you realise that you haven't. LOVE those eyelashes, I am jealous. When Mr 6 was a baby, a friend's Mum declared that he should have been a girl, because of his eyelashes. My friend was mortified. I just laughed - what else can you do?!

    ReplyDelete
  4. i've been schooled. i didn't know. i grew up with a bunch of hillbillies they say "warsh" instead of "wash," and "candy-corner" instead of "kiddie or caddy-corner." but i know now, AND I WILL NEVER SAY "SEQUENCE" AGAIN when i mean to say "sequins."

    i think i've said the word all of 3 in my life. phew.

    and those lashes!

    i'm with "cuppa," you should a drop kicked blue vest!

    ReplyDelete
  5. the walmart people are so sweet aren't they?!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I had not heard "sequence" until this winter when working on a kindergarten craft and a ton of the parents said it like that. I was so confused.

    Then again, they also say "yous" as in "how yous doin'?"

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh, that is the worst....I used to work at a formal wear store and the number of times I heard sequence instead of sequins...well it was more than anyone should endure. (Also it's cummerbund and not cumBERbund, but whatev.)

    ReplyDelete
  8. at least you have options - we only have a walmart, dillons (kroger) or small alco in our little town. the closest target or other shopping alternative is 50 miles away! so i guess i've become as optimistic about my walmart shopping trips as i possibly can - helps minimize the discomfort of the overall experience. :) i am also jealous of my son's eyelashes. he's three and they are still just as full and long as when he was a baby. not fair!

    ReplyDelete
  9. hahaha! agree with cuppakim that blue vest needing a drop-kicking! my dad actually calls the walmarts 'walmarts' for reals. but he also says 'warsh' for wash - absolutely kills me! so ready to move out of warshington dc - ahhhh!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh no she didn't! :)

    I can't handle Walmart. Haven't been in years because it gives me the worst anxiety. BUT sometimes if we eat In'n'Out in the car, we will park close to Walmart and people watch. Isn't that horrible? Horribly awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  11. The next time someone says sequence I will spit out my coffee and giggle, thinking of you. For reals.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Here's one from the Walmarts: On Friday I was picking up a few things for Craft Weekend and saw a man wearing a Camo kilt. True story. You never know what you're going to see in there.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ha! Thanks for giving me a great laugh today!

    Hugs,
    Trisha

    PS - not a fan of walmart either but i will keep the purple sequin info in the back of my brain...just in case...someday...I am in need

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is funny I have two girls and my baby is a boy (well he's 4) ha! He has longer lashes compared to my girls;))

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hahahaha! That is the funniest thing I have heard all day. Oh people and their lack of awareness. My 9 month old boy has feet too, I wonder if we may be related?

    ReplyDelete
  16. ha ha ha ha ha! yes, walmartfallapart is always good for a laugh. people are crazy.

    ruby always always gets the big blue eye thing. and the feet. and then people tell me which of my other children she looks like or if she looks like aj or i. 9 times out of 10 they're wrong and i just smile along. and always, "you finally got your girl" as if these strangers believe that i must have absolutely been just popping out babies until i got a girl because who on earth would want 3 boys. and i just want to scream, "i love my boys!!!" okay...rant over. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh no she didn't!!

    HA...I always say sequenced dress. Never again...never again :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. I love people. They really help us out with the blogging.

    Now...question for you..."The Walmarts"? Is that a regional thing? I have heard people say this before....you are not the first.
    I just go to Walmart. That's it. No "the". Never plural. WALMART. The end.
    I am curious...The Walmarts....who came up with that?
    We don't go to The Targets...
    why The Walmarts?

    This is how fascinating my life is this morning....

    ReplyDelete
  19. be so glad you don't have to go there twice a week every week for the past seven and a half years.
    you encounter something like that almost every time.
    it's redonk.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Your humor...cracks me up! I always enjoy reading your posts...and looking at Mr. Eyelashes!

    ReplyDelete
  21. OMG too funny.. Gosh your blog is like a breath of fresh air.. thank you and blessings.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh my goodness! The reputation for Wallyworld still stands.

    Also, thank you for the free grammar lesson. I have a list that would make for about five hundred thousand blog posts, but I don't want people to throw rocks at me. Or dictionaries. But I love that you went there. :-D

    ReplyDelete
  23. two things:
    1: I was at Sea World with my neice and my son when they were both little. I had two older ladies ARGUE with me that my son was NOT my son and that my neice WAS my daughter. Apparently he looked nothing like me and I was too dumb to realize that I wasn't actually his mother.
    2. I hate it when someone says "pitchers" instead of "pictures" PIC people! PIC! Ugh!!! It makes me NUTS
    http://garciamania.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  24. WOW. Yup, the Walmarts.

    I was at Target buying a tray for my coffee table, and the lady proceeded to tell me (over and over again) that "it's too heavy". Weird and totally confusing - she forgot to tell me that she thought it was too heavy FOR CARRYING DRINKS, which would have been a nice detail....

    And Tracey - I'm with your #2!

    Love ya Julie :)
    Kristina

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oh the walmarts. Really. It never fails!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Ugh. What is with people? You couldn't pay me to go to Walmart.....except for last week when I *had* to because they're the only place that sells our printer ink, but it was gross. In for the ink and then out. Eww!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Walmart, Oh Walmart...how I despise thee. The stuff people say...without thinking. Tackless is one of my pet peeves. Probably because I've had to deal with it for too long from in-laws. And purple sequins!? Do tell!!

    ReplyDelete