I used to be a really good driver.
I thought I was awesome and amazing.
I learned on a stick shift.
My first car was a Volvo station wagon.
Except it wasn't as nice as this one.
I moved on from the Volvo to a truck, then to a SUV.
Moms in minivans made me CRAZY!!!
rolled my eyes,
Why can they never park!!!
What is wrong with them?
I thought that motherhood automatically made you forget how to drive.
When I became a mom I still drove a SUV and I could rock any parking space.
Parallel park in downtown LA?
Back out of a tiny space, surrounded by Suburbans?
I could rip up and down mountain roads without using my brakes.
But then, we had another kid.
Gas was five billion dollars a gallon.
My dream of owning a Sequoia quietly died.
Instead, we went with a more sensible minivan.
As soon as I got the keys, I too forgot how to park.
Or back out.
Or come within legal length of curbs.
It only took one week for me to take out a pole.
Two weeks to destroy the picket fence in our front yard.
One month to do my worst to a shopping cart corral.
Now you can find me sitting in the van, singing the kids songs, as I wait
for the school parking lot to clear. All with the hope that I won't demolish anything.
Consider me humbled.
Take my apology.
Being a mom has not made me a bad driver.
The minivan has.
Here is my reasoning,
you cannot see the nose on a minivan.
Therefore, you have no idea if you are dangerously close,
or very far away from doubling your insurance premium.
So to all of you SUV driving, eye rolling, judging Target shoppers
who see me breaking out in a cold sweat, nearing a panic attack,
then quitting and parking far away, have a little compassion.
Because now I sure do.