Tuesday, June 23, 2009

i'm so sorry.

I used to be a really good driver.
I thought I was awesome and amazing.
I learned on a stick shift.


My first car was a Volvo station wagon.
Except it wasn't as nice as this one.
Jealous?

I moved on from the Volvo to a truck, then to a SUV.

Moms in minivans made me CRAZY!!!
I judged,
rolled my eyes,
was impatient,
complained.

Why can they never park!!!
What is wrong with them?

I thought that motherhood automatically made you forget how to drive.

When I became a mom I still drove a SUV and I could rock any parking space.
Parallel park in downtown LA?
No problem.
Back out of a tiny space, surrounded by Suburbans?
Easy.
I could rip up and down mountain roads without using my brakes.

But then, we had another kid.
Gas was five billion dollars a gallon.
My dream of owning a Sequoia quietly died.
Instead, we went with a more sensible minivan.

As soon as I got the keys, I too forgot how to park.
Or back out.
Or come within legal length of curbs.

It only took one week for me to take out a pole.
Two weeks to destroy the picket fence in our front yard.
One month to do my worst to a shopping cart corral.

Now you can find me sitting in the van, singing the kids songs, as I wait 
for the school parking lot to clear. All with the hope that I won't demolish anything.

Consider me humbled.
Take my apology.
Being a mom has not made me a bad driver.
The minivan has.

Here is my reasoning,
you cannot see the nose on a minivan.
Therefore, you have no idea if you are dangerously close, 
or very far away from doubling your insurance premium.

So to all of you SUV driving, eye rolling, judging Target shoppers
who see me breaking out in a cold sweat, nearing a panic attack, 
then quitting and parking far away, have a little compassion.

Because now I sure do.

37 comments:

  1. I'm right there with you! In the past week I have run over a tricycle(it was unoccupied in the garage), flattened my husbands steel toed work shoe and backed into the garden fence, LOL

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  2. Sorry, but I am still one of those SUV moms, fighting against getting a mini-van with all I've got! :)

    I am crying right now from laughing so hard at your post, and at Lo's comment as well!

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  3. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was an awesome driver until the minivan and since getting it I have burst a tire hitting a curb on the on ramp, hit the side of the garage door, and have sideswiped a parked vehicle.

    Although I'm not sure if it's the minivan or the extra kid, to be honest. :)

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  4. I love my mini-van...but admit that I used to say that I would never drive one!

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  5. That is why I will never drive a mini-van! : ) I love my Jeep!

    Too funny!

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  6. I literally just snorted reading this. I am anti minivan - I promise to only point and laugh at you when you aren't looking *PROMISE*.

    Karen

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  7. I used to be anti minivan too. I always thought I would never be caught driving a minivan but we had our second child, the gas prices were outrageous and the safety features were too good to pass up. I have to admit...it's rather hard to see over the front end. Haven't taken out any curbs yet but my husband has!

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  8. I just had to say 'AMEN!' to this entire post. I cannot count the times I have had to get back into my minivan and pull it more forward in the parking space because I can't tell how close I am. So annoying. But, I really do love the space I have in the van.

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  9. I'm so there with you. I managed to run over a curb and snap off the running board on the passenger side. Which I then humbly got out, picked it up off the side of the drive thru lane and tossed it into the back of the van and drove off. I used to be a good driver (won't go so far as to say awesome) but good... then the gold beast came to be my vehicle and it's been downhill since!

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  10. what a laugh! I'm STILL an SUV mom...LOVE my Chevy Tahoe and REFUSE to get a minivan with 3 kids (all of which are in carseats!)

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  11. Julie - TOO FUNNY! I, too, say I'm never getting a minivan, *I so solemnly swear* but we're kid free for now... I'll fight it every inch if I have to! ;-)
    (I'll be forwarding this post to my friend, who almost has 2 kids, and just got a minivan) teehee

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  12. you crack me up!!! i drive an suv but only with one child. i'm sure i'll convert when the next kid(s) arrive :) thanks for always making me laugh :)

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  13. i drive a minivan. not by choice.

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  14. Thanks for the giggle today...I have one child and drive a sedan. I will only go to a SUV or stay in a sedan. I will think twice before rolling my eyes at the minivans though.

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  15. oh yes, I know... I'm hanging on to my wagon too,cramming everything, including the dog, because I won't be able to navigate!. I know I won't. The Sequoia... oh yes, dreams, but it will eventually come to 'the m-van'. laughting out loud, with my mini-van friends... :)

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  16. LOL!!! From another minivan momma, I salute you. ;) I was hoping for a pic of your van!! I've been driving mine since I was 21, imagine how hard that is! lol

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  17. You are hilarious!

    I would have never said this a couple of years ago, being an SUV owner too, but I covet the minivan now! We rented one last year for a trip and it was the BEST ever!!! A second child has changed everything :)

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  18. Too funny. Not only am I a SUV owner, but a Sequoia owner too. I heart my bit fat, gas guzzling SUV. My Honda Odessey van driving friend was very impressed that I could back my Sequoia into a small parking spot. I got her all impressed. I said it's all in the rearview mirrors, my darling, all in the rearview mirrors.

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  19. Ha! You're silly.

    And I can't parallel park to save my life. When I was 16 and taking my test, I must've tried 20 times or more to get into that spot. Finally the instructor just rolled his eyes and said, "Fine. We'll say you can do it."

    Sometimes I have to walk a lot of blocks to get to the store I want...

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  20. pffft. i can't see the nose on my car anyway. in fact, i'm so short that i can't see ANY of the hood of my car over the steering wheel. and i am an awesome driver. you can learn and gain your awesomeness back !

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  21. Oh, I feel your pain!!! I definatly know what you are talking about with this one :)

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  22. i just had to drive a minivan this week and i shouted "i can't see the front of this thing!!" while parking. that is too funny.
    i drove it and i hated it. stupid gas. stupid economy.
    blech.
    i feel safe in my big SUV. in the van i feel like i will get smooshed.
    at least you aren't the mom who just gushes over the minivan....you gave in...just like i probably will have too sooner than later.

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  23. I also gave in and got the sensible mini-van until I had too many kids to fit in it and then we got a big ol' SUV and I HATE IT! I mean I love it because it's big & I can fit all my kids in it and have them be safely buckled into their respective car/booster seats but I can't drive the stupid thing. I always park a million miles away from anyone so I can pull through and not have to back up. And I've hit my husband's truck - twice - while backing out of our garage.

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  24. HA HA... as a mini van driver myself. I accept your apology ;).... Said I'd never drive one and then well.. never say never right?

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  25. This made me laugh! You are so funny! I am one of those people who will never drive a mini van. Just can't do it. Can't be the soccer mom in the van. Ahh!!

    Thanks for making me smile this morning :)

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  26. Hi Julie,
    I just wanted to let you know that I gave your blog an award on my blog. I love reading your blog!

    http://firefliesandjellybeans.blogspot.com/2009/06/premio-daros-award.html

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  27. OMGoodness, so, so, FUNNY!! I too swore that I would NEVER drive a minivan, well 3 kids later I DO!! I told my husband once I finally gave in that whatever bit of "coolness" I had was gone! And I never crashed into, ran over, etc. anything until I drove it. So I can totally feel your pain! lol :)

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  28. LOVE this post! I learned to drive in a mini van and while out on my FIRST driving trip with my mom managed to rip off the mirror of a truck with the mirror on the minivan. Then and there I swore I would NEVER EVER drive a minivan. So far I have been able to make that happen. We have a sequoia, it has 4 child seat hold downs. We do not have kids (yet) but I do not plan to EVER drive a minivan. I will get a dreaded station wagon before I get a minivan! :)

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  29. So funny!!

    I actually love my Odyssey, maybe it's my height but I haven't had trouble seeing out of it - I was more impaired in my friend's Expedition than my Odyssey!

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  30. Too too funny! I drive an SUV but can't wait to get a minivan. I had no idea you an't see the nose in those things though. I can see know how all that would be tough.

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  31. I'm still an SUV mom...however, squeezing 4 kids (three of which are still in some form of a car seat) into that SUV is getting to be a SWEATY feat every day!! I admit I stay at home days on end just to prevent going out and loading them all up...I'd rather stay home!

    Melissa

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  32. Yep, I feel ya... I too drive the Odyssey (what a fitting name for a boat of a vehicle) and so far my only wreck has been tapping the back of an SUV while trying to parallel park in front of the kid's school... Oops :(

    I used to have a Pilot and man that thing could fit ANYWHERE and turned on a dime AND had one more seat... but there is no way I'd give up the room I have now in the van... I just wish they were cuter on the outside!

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  33. hysterical!!! I have been a minivan mom for 5 years now. I havent had too many casualties, but I do hate backing out in the van. It seriously needs a back up mirror & one of those alarm things. And people need to be aware that you cant see out the back either.I dont even attempt parallel parking in that sucker.

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  34. Thank goodness I don't drive a minivan. I have enough problems trying to park my Jetta. I admit I am a terrible parker. However, I will say that I do park within the lines, even if it takes me several tries.

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  35. LoL You solved my dilemma about buying a mini van! =D

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  36. I laughed out loud to this! So hilarious, and maybe just a little bit true.

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