Not trying to be controversial here, 
but I fully believe that the

Pottery Barn catalogs

are pretty much p@rn for women.
(I don't want to put the real word in... too gross.)

Everything is perfect.  
Nicely lit.
Out of grasp.
Far from reality.
Makes you dislike what you have.
Makes you want what you cannot.

Most of the time they go straight from the mailbox 
to the recycle bin.

But sometimes I am weak.
I sneak a just a little look.
Then suddenly, I get sucked in.

To my PB fantasies.

Here are some of my current ones:


I would blog from this chaise while the girls slept peacefully.
Wearing sunscreen of course.


I would plan designs and pin inspiration on these dress forms.


I would sew for hours on this beautiful table.  
Always neatly organized, naturally.


We would all eat healthy meals,
that we prepared together, happily at this table


After a long day I would retreat to my bathroom.
Nobody would follow me in.
Or knock on the door.

Then I would sleep through the entire night to the sound of the ocean.

The girls would have a playroom with comfy seating.


Desks to get good grades on.


A flawlessly organized craft space to imagine and create in.


A clean, bright, cheery bathroom.


A vanity for dress up.


Lulu would dream of surfing.


Janey would sleep soundly.


Halley would feel like a big girl with her loft bed.


But for now, 
the closet any one of us is getting
to a Pottery Barn room,
is the one at the mall.

Where it seems I have unconsciously trained my
four year old to have PB fantasies as well.

(Special note to the grumpy PBK sales woman:
You didn't need to yell at my kid for dreaming
a little dream in your display.  She always makes
her bed when she gets out.)


34 Comments

  1. OMG you crack me up! You are SO dead on with this post! Love it!

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  2. this post made me smile too! all these spaces are . . . well . . . dreamy! i love the big ole loft bed as well as the chaise & the craft space! but i love the last pic the most!

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  3. Gee thanks..I hadn't seen the catalog until now..and now I want it all! Allikaye would love ALL of Lulu's surfer girl room! We DO have that comforter and sheets (and bumper pad) - so that is making me feel less greedy...but just a little!

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  4. Are you for real? Did they really yell at her? I always thought the sales clerks in my pbk were kind of rude too...they also stare at me like I'm going to still something..I know I'm a little haggard with 3 small children...but come on? One time I was in there, and I told the ladies that Target was our bread and butter...hubby's job..the sales clerks leaned over and whispered.."We really like Target too!"..and then they looked around like they didn't want anyone else to hear..." The only thing I can say about such folks..Is "WHATEVER!" Sweet Dreams!!

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  5. I think we were sisters from another life! I lust after those catalogs too...especially the PBK ones! Best tip I can give you...if you work there part-time, even as a seasonal (christmas) employee, you get 40% off! I worked there for 2 months when we first moved in our new home and got my kitchen and dining room tables, rugs, bathroom accessories, and gobs of christmas decorations! Obviously I didn't make any money working there...I think that's there goal to have you work for them for free and then owe THEM money in return! That was the ONLY way I could afford PB!

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  6. They are always GRUMPY! The good news is that we are, ahem, talented enough to copy ideas then accessorize with cheaper homemade versions :)

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  7. Oh you just kill me!
    That wAS SO FUNNY. I HAVE HELP COMMENTING,4 YO BOY

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  8. That's so funny...I got the kids catalog today and thought to myself, "gee, to clean playplaces like this actually exist?!?" as I looked at my family room with crushed cereal all over the carpet, plus a whole abudance of other things that my daughter played with today spread across the floor...none of which were actually toys or child-friendly necessarily for that matter!

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  9. darn sales people always have to butt into our dreams don't they!

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  10. I wanted to print this whole thing, frame it and put it on my wall, so that I can remember, that I am normal. Thanks!

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  11. Crabby? Come out here to the outlet. It has the crabbiest salespeople I have ever met.

    Thanks for your amusing posts.

    How's your REBEL?

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  12. Boy did you ever hit the nail on the head with this one! So very funny and true!

    PB is an addictive force. A friend of mine took a job there and works every other Sunday - JUST FOR THE DISCOUNT. It's like crack! =)

    ~Keri

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  13. you are so funny!
    i got my catalog today and i stopped and stared at quite a few of the pages you have here on this post. crazy.
    it is always beautiful.
    you have it exactly right....p*rn for women.

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  14. I know. I used to work for PBK! Trust me - it is worse when you have to see everything RIGHT AWAY before it even hits the floor! Of course, when you have to see it all at 6 in the morning so you can get the windows done and the displays all created...somehow some of it looses its splendor! LOL! I still love the catalogs! And I don't even have kids!

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  15. I absolutely love your blog, so I finally had to comment today because you are so right about PB. I think it is an evil place that gets my mind spinning as to all the money I could spend trying to imitate the beautiful catalog. They are evil I tell you, evil. LOL :)

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  16. Amen, sista!! LOL :) I hear ya!! What a fabulous post!! I couldn't agree more!! Maybe one day when we all hit the lottery, we can have spaces like that. 'Til then...the end of my dining room table will be covered in crafty-sewy stuff, my kids room will always be in need of picking-up, and my bathroom...well, will alway be just a bathroom! :) Thanks for the laugh!! I sure did need it! Have a great day!!

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  17. LOVE! No she didnt yell at your daughter, you know she does it too, when no one is looking. The nerve!

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  18. My heart is aching for the ocean! Thanks a lot :P

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  19. That is one of the funniest and most accurate blog posts I have read in a long time. Loved it.

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  20. I swear, you kill me. What a great post.
    Thanks Julie. For putting a smile on my
    face with your blog :O)

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  21. Great analogy! How true this is.

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  22. you just made coffee come out of my nose! seriously. too frickin funny! but too frickin true too. i wrote my best friend an email the other day that simply read, "PB, why do you torture me so?!?" it's a love-hate relationship (i love the stuff, hate the prices!)

    thanks for the laugh!
    amy

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  23. Love it!!! Thank you for letting me dream with you. I bet those Old Navy models live there in the catalog world. He he!!

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  24. Julie, you are hilarious!! One time in a PBKids catalog they had a bathroom pic and in a bucket they had Suave products. Guess they couldn't swing for the expensive stuff after all that, huh??
    Elise

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  25. I agree completely!

    I actually have a link to those dress forms on my blog right now.

    When we first looked at the house we live in now, it was decorated in all pottery barn and was STUNNING! I even joked with the homeowner that we wanted to buy the home and everything in it.

    I could just envision us moving in and me keeping a similar look.

    Yeah.

    Then we bought it and moved in with our three kids, two dogs... Needless to say, there's no PB action going on here now.

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  26. LOVED this!!! and i LOVE that your daughter likes to lay in the bed!

    i took my four kids into PBK once or twice and i did not feel particularly welcome. i wanted to say, isn't the word "kid" right in the title?!

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  27. I love your blog! This post completely describes me....except for the throwing the magazines away! Girl....I have a whole stack of them that I can't seem to part with!

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  28. lol!!! lol!! I have a "crush" on this catalog too!!!

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  29. I totally agree! I can't tell you how many times after looking at these catalogs that I end up not happy with my life. I just throw them away now when they arrive.

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